The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
