her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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