I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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