You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
