I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
