is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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