we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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