The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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