thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Are we still banned from the library?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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