Can i not drive my cunt home
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
