Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Terrible idea I love it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
