You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
