The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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