ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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