There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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