There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
