I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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