I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
