My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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