so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
