Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
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Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
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I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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