I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
