I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
