In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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