is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
