Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
