we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
