i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
