Me. At least after what I've been through.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
