you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
