I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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