He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
