i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
