Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
