My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
