How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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