I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize