Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
