I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
