i think my tv is drunk
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
even my farts smell like vagina
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
