Can i not drive my cunt home
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
