Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You may now shotgun with the bride
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
