Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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