I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
