i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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