Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
