I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm jealous of your bromance
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
