i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
