Non-Jews are for practice
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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