My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
