Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
