I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
