I'm so fucking centered right now
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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