Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
