I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
