He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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