How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
