you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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