She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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