I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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