omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
