Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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