Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
