Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
