While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
