Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
