okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
