the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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