they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
