Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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