if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
