trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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