My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
