I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
