Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
