yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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