there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
