he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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